You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
