Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
