The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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