hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
