Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
