Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
