Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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