Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
