can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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