I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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