you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
