how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
