Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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