I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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