just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you win again, gameday.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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