i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
