My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I know her cup size but not her name....
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