I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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