dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
