yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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