Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
