After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
