Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
