How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
