fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
