I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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