I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
