I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
