She is in my trunk
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This is classic penis vs brain.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
