She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
