We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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