she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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