Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i dont even know how to be here
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
