I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
