Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
