I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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