Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My life is pants optional.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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