Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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