He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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