Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
