he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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