Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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