More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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