Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
