also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
