I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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