he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
