32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
