I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
