Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
