Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
